Forced

We can't force the love we can't have.

I guess that makes sense. Nothing can be forced; if we have to, it has to end at some point.

I am still that superficial girl. I still believe in true love, in happy endings; forced love is neither, it is not true and will surely have no happy endings.

I wish life was a fairytale and I meet Prince Charming and have that beautiful happy ending or may be it is; it just takes a lifetime to have that happy ending, not merely 400 pages, 200 perhaps, or an hour or two. It takes many lifetimes, probably.

I wrote a long time ago that I'd be willing to wait another lifetime just to have that one day where I am sure that I have met my Prince Charming; that one day that I am sure; that one day when I can say I have found love.

I don't know if there would be another lifetime for me. If there's none, here's hoping I meet my Prince Charming in this lifetime and then, I could die happy.

And when I do meet him, I hope I actually separate him from all the superficial Prince Charming's and know that he is the one. I hope I need not go through stitches and burns only to find him, but if I have to, I will because I know it'd be worth it.

Until then, I'll stay in this corner until you find me or I find you. :)

#goodvibes

So there. (Almost but not quite)

So there. I took the test, no, make that tests, that would determine if I get to have that 3 letters added to my name; getting married and getting that Mrs as an addition would have been easier, I guess.

It was a long day. Long would be an understatement. It was long. So there. It had to end but now, another thing starts: the anticipation. Unless I can be sure that I passed such, only then can I celebrate; what I did last night, what I had to do, was take out all of my frustrations. And out did it go, along with my energy. Today, I am spent and it is still noon.

Frustrations. Everyday wouldn't be complete without one, but yesterday, frustrations just had to overflow. You memorize formulas only to be given 3 simple essay questions. Simple here is the operative term. But it would've been simple if I had prepared for it. Again, I am back to studying the wrong things, focusing on the wrong lessons. Damn this. Damn this misfortune. Frustrations would come from the fact that you actually babbled rather than write the correct things just because you couldn't remember. Frustrations would mean not being able to remember everything you have studied. Frustrations would mean not being ready 100%. And frustrations would mean being there alone. Well, not technically but figuratively, alone.

This journey ended yesterday. Well, so I think it did. Everything that I have studied for three years all came down to three essay questions, a simple balance sheet, a simple cash flow, a simple income statement, a pert-cpm, a forecast method, a regression analysis, it all came down to 6 hours of torture and anticipation. And here I am, waiting for the results, wishing against hope that I pass and not need to retake.

So there, today, I am spent. And I am bombarded with work which, right now, I don't give a damn about. I think I have to find another one. One that would give me the motivation. Funny how I wrote about it yesterday while answering an essay question. That drive, that vision: so elusive, so ambiguous, so unclear.

So there, I feel lost again. And I don't know how to find my way back.

I think it's just that time of the month. I hope it is. I really hope it is. Or else, I'm back in that depressed mode. And I never liked it. It was a blackhole.

And so there.

Below are snapshots of my yearbook pictorial, hoping I get to wear that toga soon. Hoping. So there.