I am Alone

I close my eyes. Holding in the tears that I would want to shed. But I do not want to cry. To cry would mean my defeat again in this battle. To cry would mean that I succumb to loneliness that have become my second skin.

I am alone.

But I am not alone.

I wish I am not. I wish I am not wishing. I wish I am not imagining.

I am alone. Alone in this battlefield. And I choose to be.

I am alone. Almost forlorn. But I am not alone.

I kneel down and pray. Yes, I am not alone. I have him watching over me.

At least in Him, I am assured He will not reject me. He will not disappoint. He may make me frustrated because I wont get what I would want but I know it is for the better. It is for the better, I convince myself.

I am alone.

Positive and Happy vibes, be my company.

Broken Angel

Yes, I am a broken angel. I have to convince myself that it was not my fault. It wasn't.

He broke my heart. He did. He was my hero. He was my confidante. He was my idol. But he chose to break my heart. He left me. All drenched in tears, in fear, in solitude. He left me.

He was my refuge. I would run to him when she and I did not agree. He would comfort me. But he left me; left me questioning; left me forlorn.

No, I do not hate him. How could I? If I loved him with all my heart. I still love him even when he crushed my heart, even when he left me to question if happiness could ever exist; if pure happiness could ever be true.

He left me broken. He left me crushed. He left me.

But I do not hate him. I forgive him. He had reasons, I know. I just wish he thought of me, he thought of my life without him. I guess he did. Maybe this was for the better. I just wish now that he was strong enough to stay. I just wish he held on.

I know he is as broken as me. I just wish us courage and strength because I know, as days get longer, as years go further, this won't lessen the pain, the brokenness. It will hurt more, I know. But I know we will find consolation in the fact that we have lived now far apart for a long time. We can get through this.

I just wish he thought of her, too. Maybe she was more crushed than him. But nevertheless, it has come to pass. We can only move forward.

I just wish he is fine. I just wish he would call.

I just wish.

I miss you.

I Think of Death

The darkness engulfs me. I succumb to the eerie mood of the place. I think of Death.

The world overwhelms me. It does not give me time to breathe. It throws at me stone by stone, brick by brick; what my poor hand can only handle. But it gives up. It stops catching. It stops.

The world overwhelms me. I would want to scream out loud and free all this pain. But I am tired. I am forlorn. I have given up. I am done.

The world overwhelms me. I try and stop. Maybe I am just in a frenzy. Maybe this will all come to pass. I hope it will. I only wish it will.

The world overwhelms me. I am lost. I am frightened. I am searching. I am gone. I try and find my way but I only trip and lose balance. And I am lost again.

The world overwhelms me. And I think of death. Where else can I run too? My oasis would be to stop breathing. And so I think of death. 

I wake up only to want to close it again. I think of death. 

I think of death and its freedom. I think of death and its hope.

I think of life but it leads me to death. 

I think of life. I ask, is it worth it? 

I think of death. I ask, is this right?

I think of death and succumb to life. 

Half and half

Half and Half

I am now half and half
Half my sky is sunny
Half my sky is cloudy
But half and half it may be,
It continues to be my sky.

I am now half and half
Half my life is over
Half my life has not been lived
But half is still unsure
And yet half has been lived as I knew it.

I am now half and half
Half is happy
Half is sad as can be
And yet half is still hoping
That half will find bliss in serenity.

I am now half and half
Half of me is expecting
Half of me has lost all hope
But half is still looking forward
Because half of me is alive.

I am now half and half
And though I feel I am half and half
I feel that I am whole
Because half of me has found me
Or I found it.

I am now half and half
And yet life is giving it to me whole
So I must take it whole
Not half and half
But to take life half and half together.

I am now half and half
Half of me is life
Half of me is love
Whole of me is laughter
Half and half make up me.