Play of words

I wish I could have the words
I wish I could play with words
I wish I could say with words
What I couldn't tell you in words

I wish this play of words
I wish this use of words
I wish this thing for words
Will help me say in words

These three simple words
That mean the world
I love you.

Please

If you should sing
Sing for me
Please

If you should write
Have those words for me
Please

If you should dance
Have my heart beat for you
Please

If you should do anything
Have me with you
Please

If you should love
Love me only
Please

If you should have to leave
Do it gently
Please

If you happen to read this
Do it slowly
Please

If you happen to read this
Know that it's you I'm writing this for
Please

If you happen to read this
I hope you miss me too
Please

That Thing Called Relapse

I fell into a relapse.

I blame the movie, Love, Rosie. I blame it for making me re-consider my so called feelings or whatever it was. I blame it for making me think. Period.

I fell into a relapse.

I thought of you again. Well, I do, everyday. But not in that way.

I fell into a relapse.

"I hate your situation", my best friend says. I hate it, too. But I revel in it. I love it actually. The things you love and hate at the same time are the most important aspects of your life, usually.

I fell into a relapse.

I went back to that wave, that surge of emotions, if I'm even still capable.

I fell into a relapse.

No, I'm not a drug addict. No, I'm not addicted to anything. I just have this recurring emotion for something that I know is not something I should consider.

I fell into a relapse.

And here I am again, with a renewed belief that yes, we are better off this way, because, and I would quote myself: "It's hard to do something and breaking something so beautiful." Because this thing we have, it's beautiful and I'm thankful for it everyday. And I'm thankful of you every day.

I fell into a relapse.

I won't promise this will be the last but I promise I am staying in this relapse infested circumstance I am in.

I fell into a relapse.

And I'm back up. :)

Too late

I've found the love of my life
But he is not mine

I've found the love of my life
He is mine to love

I've found the love of my life
But he is not mine to hold

I've found the love of my life
He is mine to stare at

I've found the love of my life
But he is not mine to hug

I've found the love of my life
He is mine to talk to

I've found the love of my life
But he has found the love of his life

And it isn't me.

Darkness

I'm scared
Of the dark
Of ghosts
Of past mistakes

The dark now engulfs me
And I revel in it
I let it take me in

I hide in the dark
So I can be free
Free to cry

I hide in the dark
So I can be alone
So no one can judge

But I'm afraid where I am
Although it gives me solace
It gives me desolation.

I am in this irony
This paradox I made
This nothingness

I try and scramble
To get out
To be free yet unfree.

I am forlorn.
I am alone.
I am lonely.

Single but Taken

No hand to hold
No heart to break
Only mine

No eyes to stare at
No tears to shed
Only mine

No message to make
No calls to take
Only mine

No flowers to get
No cards to write
Only mine

But

No, I may be single
No, I may not be taken

But

No, my happiness lies not on you
No, I do not wake up just for you.
Only mine

No, I may not be taken
No, I may be single

But

No, I am not sad
No, I am glad.

Her Crush Chronicles #throwback

Her Crush Chronicles is actually an attempt to write all frustrations we encounter and the welcome inspiration we get from our Crushes. It might surprise you but the writer is actually already in her ripe age. I say, surprise, because some will argue that I'm too old to have crushes.

I beg to disagree.

Crushes are human's way of expressing admiration towards an individual. And why should we ever stop admiring people? One is beautiful because one is beautiful, no reason is needed. And one should be admired because they are beautiful. Don't you agree?

(Okay. I might be making no sense at all here.)

Actually, Her Crush Chronicles will be a fun blog. I vow to only write happy posts with, well, maybe a little sadness, a tinge of frustration, a little tinge of anger but a whole lot more of cuteness. Haha.

I shall begin by writing about this ultimate crush.

How do you know you've found your ultimate crush?

1) You freeze at the sight of this magnificent, unbelievable individual.
2) You smile every time you hear his voice. 
3) You don't believe any rumors; that he may be gay, that he is a playboy, that he has an ego as big as Russia.
4) You want to believe he knows you.
5) But in truth, he does not know you actually exist. Or well, maybe, he knows that you are always wherever he may be.
6) You are his ultimate stalker. You look at his timeline, you read his tweets, you wait for his IG posts, you try and search his name on google.
7) Yes, #6 is totally creepy but it happens. (Don't be ashamed to admit you at least do one of the above mentioned.)
8) You wrote a poem for him. So what if it was a lame one? Or one that does not make any sense? Bottom line, YOU WROTE A POEM FOR HIM. You did.
9) You may have attempted to put in a melody to the above mentioned poem. Haha.
10) You laughed at the above mentioned because admit it, it's true, one way or another.

So yes, I had an ultimate crush. I still do. And as creepy as it may seem, it's the same freaking person. I know how not perfect he is, but damn, he is a god. Okay, that was blasphemy. But you get my point.

I adore him. And I adore him from afar; like all ultimate crushes are and will remain to be.

The sad thing about ultimate crushes is, it is usually unrequited love. (Or maybe always. Pft)

But if you are lucky (like you may just have recently won a lottery), this ultimate crush is actually the one for you because, lo and behold, you are his ultimate crush. (Send in the band.)

So, if you are the latter, congratulations and well, damn it, how pretty are you?

Pardon me. I'm just. Uhm, er, just sad.