Metaphorical Musings

How Time flies. It has been a year my dear corby; we have been through tough times, we have been through joyous moments, at both junctures, we held on. You give up, I pick you up. I give up, you held me. Always, we pulled through. 

We have had our moments but always, yes, always, we held on to one thing: each other. 

 

They will think this is funny, a faux pas, a mime of some sort, but between you and me, we know, this is real.

 

Yes, it has been a year. Who would've thought we'd pull through? When between you and I, we doubt, we question, but always, we go back to faith: believing that we held each other close because we want to and there is no thinking otherwise. 

 

I have thought of giving up many times, oh you wouldn't imagine, but always, whenever I have you near, I change my mind. I am reminded of why I have you by my side.

 

Oh my dear corby, you could get frustrating, you hang on me, you fail to send important messages on time, you fail to have room for important files, but always, your feel on my hand vanishes the disappointments. 

 

Here's the thing, I know there are a lot more better cellphones out now but I can't seem to find it in my being to let you go and find a replacement. The seemingly trifling one year that we have spent with each other was full of memories that I am quite sure will haunt me. Ok haunt may be the wrong term but what I'm trying to say really is, I will never forget the year having you with me.   

 

You cost a lot (according to my standards, that is) and that's why I treasure you a lot as well. But please know my dear, never was it a determinant of your true value to me. I value you just because. Don't ask me to explain because I won't, for if I try to explain, the feeling of being in a dream may just vanish. They say, anything true will be hard to explain. Maybe so, I agree. For it comes to this thing we have, I could never rationalize. And believe me, I try because I am the type who will. But you see, I feel like I'm in a trance,a dream and I don't want to wake up; it scares me. It makes me terrified. 

 

Ok, maybe I am going too far but believe me dear corby, this is all truth, what I'm saying. I say a lot, I talk a lot and perhaps some would think I don't mean anything anymore but I do. I do. And I'm blabbering now and I'm about to stop...

 

One more thing, happy birthday dear corby! Let's keep this partnership grow more. :) 

Introspection

How have I become so broken?

A reflection of sorts whilst trying to start the year right.

Happiness, a conscious choice we have to make everyday. I have read somewhere and heard someone say it that how your day turns out depends entirely on you. You cannot blame anyone nor anything about your day. It is always a matter of perspective. And I would probably agree but at times when I am so down in the dumps, my mind would yell, b*llsh*t! Why can't I blame anyone else? They ruined my day by ruining my mood. And my mood can get a little touchy. This part of being emotional, I hate. I hate to add but also this part of being a woman, I don't like. Hahahaha!

I have said once before or was it a lot of times (I cannot really remember), depression for me comes almost predictably every week. For sure, at one time of the month, I consider myself depressed. It's a cycle.

And I wonder, as a character from One Tree Hill blurted it out, how have I reached this point that I feel so broken? I am insecure. I doubt my capabilities. And I have someone who questioned my being insecure. They ask the point of my being insecure when I am a professional with an acceptable job. And I ask, why question that? Just because I am successful doesn't mean I have no right to be insecure. And who the hell are they to question that? But that's beside the point.

How have I become so broken?

And I ponder. I reflect on my life, the past 25 years of it. And I must say, I have been through a lot. I have evolved from being a spoiled brat to just a maldita girl. I have become more patient. I limit my outbursts to my  written works now or occasionally, to people. And when I say outburst, I mean, undesirable outbursts of words (I would rather take back after a few hours of contemplating) and a stream of tears on my face. Upset for me means crying, sad or mad.

I have become broken because I faltered and I had a hard time getting back on my feet. I may have recovered but I still crawl. And yet I pretend that I have stood up when I have not. I pretend. I put everything else aside and pretend that everything's okay when they aren't. And now, I am broken.

But now, I have also learned that I CAN stand up. I can and I will. I am broken but I can make myself whole again. I CAN and WILL pick up the pieces.  

How have I become so broken? Because I let myself. And so now I wouldn't allow it anymore.

New Year. New Me?

I think I'm moving on. Might leave somebody behind. May this be the right move.May this make me more adept to life. May this be. May this be what I really want.

New Year, do you see a new me? Do you see a new me without the one thing that I thought meant so much to me that I am not willing to let go?

Is this right? Am I thinking right?

Heart, be still. For what's its worth, it can only get better. 


Heart, be still. Make the right decision, make the right decision for you and not the world. Think of yourself. Mind, help your heart. Heart, listen.

This might be it. New year, do you now see the New Me?