♥

Wrote this a long time ago, Feb '09 to be exact. And well, I think I am now the alcoholic I was avoiding and evading at the same time. And I plummet. And I let myself. And my maybe is now. :) ♥ 

Yes, love is like alcohol. It maybe a weird simile but it does feel that way. No, I'm not an alcoholic nor am I crazy over love and all its loops. Loops, meaning all that is connected to this overrated topic of love. I never binge drink nor do I get overly "in-love", so to speak. So you see now why I feel that they are similar? 

I never like alcohol. I don't like its effects on people who had too much of it. Much like love's effect. It takes the sanity of the usually sane people. It takes the dignity of the usually dignified people. It may be a rather ruthless way of describing love's effect but this is reality. Dignity is lost to people that let their feelings overrule their intellect and let themselves be get carried away with the spell. Maybe I say this now because I have not been into the spell. But I believe it's way exaggerated when people get tangled up in situations that could have been avoided in the first place. No offense meant to these people. I actually commend them for their bravery. I do not have the courage to let myself plummet at this point. Maybe I need more maturity. Maybe I need the right timing. Maybe I need the right person. Maybe. And when this maybe happens, I become the alcoholic. And I won't be ashamed of it. This is where the contradiction occurs. 

A contradiction between my apprehensions and my anticipations of the maybe. The maybe which I thought, one time in my life, has occurred. The maybe.  

The maybe that would probably change my outlook on this overrated topic and will eventually take me under the spell that I am dreading up to this moment. But how then will I ever encounter this maybe if I am not ready? 

Incidentally, a friend asked me this rather very personal question recently. He asked whether I would let the spell take over me in circumstances that I may encounter. My answer, probably not. I did not actually drink in college, unlike most of the people I know. Maybe I am way too conservative, way too "low tech". But for me, it was a personal decision. I did not want to indulge into something I may not be able to handle. Not unless, I am ready. Ready in the entirety of my being. And so I did a test run in several occasions (a rather funny way of describing it). And well, I rather handled it well. (I hope.) And I have probably did these test runs too with my feelings. Haha! This is funny. 

So what do I hope for? I hope to actually become an alcoholic. Ironic? Very. But don't we all hope to be the alcoholic? Not the "alcoholic" but the one who becomes under the spell. 

Hahai February.