I am YoY: The Next Chapter

You can't start the next chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the last one. - Comedytexts

Funny how I tumble over this quote while I have been thinking of ending a chapter in my life. So yes, I have subconsciously decided to end the torture to my heart and mind. Yes, torture. So last sunday, amidst the hype of everyone else anticipating monday, there I was, finally deciding to move on.

Almost two years ago, I made the first step: end it. But I only did it because I just wanted to end it right there and then. I saw that there was no use letting it go any longer. And yet, I kept coming back: to the feeling, to the confusion, to the what if's. I always wanted to go back. Something inside me always thought that going back is the only rational thing to do. I even said it loud.

I know that feeling will always be there somewhere, lurking. But now, I know I am better off without it or not thinking about it. I say freedom.

And I go back to my very first ever out of country trip. There, I wasn't thinking of that chapter in my life. I thought of it as freedom. I never thought that was possible but it was. I had a 3 hour airplane ride, something I never thought I would survive. I wasn't scared all through the 3 hours; maybe a little frantic, but I survived it; maybe it was the company or just the thought of being in a new world.

I've always wanted a new world; a place where no one will have their biases, judgments, opinions about who I should be and how I perceive the world. I've always wanted to be unknown. The thought that no one really cared what I am doing or what happens to me was scary and exciting at the same time. But I was thankful for the familiar company I was with. They kept me secured, knowing that someone cared about me. Ironic when I say I didn't want anyone to care when I was glad that I was with some people who cared. It's just a different feeling when many people don't really care and those that matter really do. It's a different kind of high you get; true friendship, true care.

And so I move on on many facets in my life. I start with one step, and that would be making a decision. But right now, I long for that freedom again; that feeling of freedom while in an unknown world. Before this year ends, I hope. I hope.

I end this mime with snapshots of that unforgettable trip I made a year ago but still lingers until now. Awesome trip is definitely awesome. :)